PROMENADE RENOVATION COMPLETED — RESIDENTS IMPRESSED BY CONSISTENT LACK OF CHANGE
Officials Confirm Project Was “Exactly as Planned,” Public Still Searching for Evidence STRAND — After 14 months of construction, detours, dust and philosophical reflection, the long-awaited renovation of the Strand Promenade has officially been declared complete, with municipal leaders proudly announcing that the project successfully achieved its primary objective: looking almost identical to how it…
KAROOLIS’S CAPERS IN ROOI-ELS
Your Community. Your Stories. Your Baboons. When the Neighbours Have Fangs, a Troop and Absolutely No Manners By Our Rooi-Els Correspondent | Wildlife & Community Desk If you have ever wondered what it would be like to live next door to a gang of highly intelligent, perpetually hungry and completely shameless freeloaders, welcome to Rooi-Els….
The Helderberg Blind Tasting Challenge ends in humiliation for the experts
Kultuur • Wyn • Skandaal • Tonge in die Kies The Helderberg Blind Tasting Challenge ends in humiliation for the experts, a R49 Oom Tas Dry Red wins the evening, Sebastiaan does not take questions. Die Helderburger organised the Helderberg Basin’s first independent blind wine tasting last Saturday, assembling five local wine experts, four self-described…
Beachfront Dog-Walking Permits Introduced ‘To Preserve Order Among Leisure Activities
STRAND – Residents wishing to walk their dogs along Strand Beach will now be required to obtain a “Recreational Canine Mobility Ticket,” following a new municipal initiative aimed at “formalizing informal enjoyment.” The policy, introduced this week, requires dog owners to purchase and display valid tickets before setting paw/or foot/on the beachfront. Structured Leisure Implemented…
Competing Auntie Intelligence Agencies Are Tracking Everyone’s Business.
Originally Posted on The Domestic DispatchAll the news that was none of your business until now Breaking: Third cousin’s new haircut rated “suspicious” by all five agencies. Developing: Someone’s been lying about their age since 1994. A bombshell exposé reveals a vast, decentralised network of domestic surveillance operations, each claiming exclusive jurisdiction over your personal…
UAE billionaire “deeply passionate about conservation,” plans to preserve mountain “mostly”
UAE billionaire “deeply passionate about conservation,” plans to preserve mountain “mostly” Sheikh Hamdan Al-Malik Al-Farouq Al-Noor, 43, who already owns three private islands, a glacier in Iceland and what his spokesperson describes as “a minor share” in the Maldives, has confirmed his intention to acquire the Helderberg Nature Reserve — describing it as a “charming…
RESTAURANTS CAN BE “RUFF”.
The peaceful atmosphere of the Strand beachfront has been somewhat dampened this week by a very vocal protest from a local resident who has officially declared a total boycott of every establishment along Beach Road. The reason for this dramatic stand is a series of confrontations regarding his four legged companion and a stubborn refusal…
FINGER LICKIN’ “VOKKIT!”
You pull up to the window with a family sized bucket and a mountain of chips and you politely ask the cashier for just a little bit more of that magic salty dust. What do you get? Usually a cold stare and a single tiny white packet that barely covers three fries. It is a…
MYSTERY VOICE TURNS THE AIRWAVES DARK!
There was a time when the amateur radio frequencies of the Helderberg were a sanctuary of polite technical exchange and weather reports from the Hottentots Holland mountains. It was a hobby built on a foundation of mutual respect and a strict adherence to international broadcasting standards. However that era of civility appears to have come…
COMMUNITY SPOTLIGHT: A LOLLY TO MAKE YOU JOLLY
SOMERSET WEST – In a world of fancy gelato shops and expensive mall milkshakes there is one sound that still sends the children of the Helderberg running for the garden gate. The familiar ring of a bicycle bell echoes through the suburban streets as Dennis Arendse makes his daily rounds bringing a bit of old…
